before I call it a night....
I need to tell you all something. Some of you may know already but I have been having a serious allergic reaction to something that I do not know. It started last wednesday and by sunday night, I was hospitalized in the ER. I couldnt breathe, hives covered my whole body and closed my throat. They pumped god knows what into me (I think steroids, anti-histimines, shoved some IV in my arm, swabbed my throat and jabbed me with a couple more needles. I was taken there by the girl I am dating. The one that I spoke of earlier about. It was strange, because in this moment you could see that she had this innocent love about her. I could only think of one person though....and it wasnt her.
This person I speak of...Hmmmm, makes me smile when I think of her. Every relationship that I have ever been in, she was the one they all compared to. EVERY RELATIONSHIP (with the exception of my old neighbor girl, whom is very happily married and has a beautiful baby boy...I wish them the best and only the best in life.)
But this person...I keep going back to her. I have told many of you that there was only one that got away....she is this. It's ironic because I havent spoken to her in a long time. Months have passed, people have come and gone, marriages, divorces, and new babies being born....but there is that one thing....HER. Our lives crossed way back in my pet shop days when I was a manager...(I will go into this later, but you all know that was a looooooooong time ago.)
You all know that I am true believer in the fact that we all are driven by 3 things in life.our MIND
our GUT
our HEART
Most of you know that I dont listen to the last one...I generally listen to my mind. The driving force behind ol Cam...it causes prb the most amount of pain and the most rational decisions for me at the time. I am a true Pisces though...a dreamer and a non-executioner. It's time for that change. Things in my life right now are lining up so perfectly. The house is getting sold, I found that I can enjoy a job again and not have to do what I do for my day job. The night job has really opened me back up again to another Cam; the one that has been in hiding since I got married and divorced. Now....its the GUT taking over. I am going to make a decision based upon a driving force that feels right. That I will not fail and I will make the best of the decision I am going to take. There is no plans for an option 2 right now. Life is too short not to know. I am going to follow my HEART for the first time and I am moving away to find her again. It's not far from Springpatch, but its not about that anymore. I am not only moving to find out, I am moving for me....new scenery, new places and new thought processes.
For some reason SHE always felt like that ONE for me. It seems its in her path too...our lives crossed on Saturday night when she phoned me and we spoke for hours without one minute of my life passing me by..She had made several comments in her life to ex's the same as I, that she fell in love with someone in Springpatch that she cannot ever let go and wonders about everyday...and sometimes you just have to find out if that one person is the ONE. This is what I am going to do. I am following my heart...
I think B understand this prb the most of my friends - he knows me well and he supports my thinking...Thanks for listening bud. I really appreciate it...
Time for Summer. 11/12/2003
and a song for her:
Touched
by VAST
touched, you say that i am too
so much, of what you say is true
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i'll never find someone quite like you, like you
the razors and the dying roses
plead i don't leave you alone
the demi-gods and hungry ghosts
oh god, god knows i'm not at home
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i, i looked into your eyes and saw
a world that does not exist
i looked into your eyes and saw
a world i wish i was in
i'll never find someone quite as touched as you
i'll never love someone quite the way
that I loved you
This person I speak of...Hmmmm, makes me smile when I think of her. Every relationship that I have ever been in, she was the one they all compared to. EVERY RELATIONSHIP (with the exception of my old neighbor girl, whom is very happily married and has a beautiful baby boy...I wish them the best and only the best in life.)
But this person...I keep going back to her. I have told many of you that there was only one that got away....she is this. It's ironic because I havent spoken to her in a long time. Months have passed, people have come and gone, marriages, divorces, and new babies being born....but there is that one thing....HER. Our lives crossed way back in my pet shop days when I was a manager...(I will go into this later, but you all know that was a looooooooong time ago.)
You all know that I am true believer in the fact that we all are driven by 3 things in life.
our GUT
our HEART
Most of you know that I dont listen to the last one...I generally listen to my mind. The driving force behind ol Cam...it causes prb the most amount of pain and the most rational decisions for me at the time. I am a true Pisces though...a dreamer and a non-executioner. It's time for that change. Things in my life right now are lining up so perfectly. The house is getting sold, I found that I can enjoy a job again and not have to do what I do for my day job. The night job has really opened me back up again to another Cam; the one that has been in hiding since I got married and divorced. Now....its the GUT taking over. I am going to make a decision based upon a driving force that feels right. That I will not fail and I will make the best of the decision I am going to take. There is no plans for an option 2 right now. Life is too short not to know. I am going to follow my HEART for the first time and I am moving away to find her again. It's not far from Springpatch, but its not about that anymore. I am not only moving to find out, I am moving for me....new scenery, new places and new thought processes.
For some reason SHE always felt like that ONE for me. It seems its in her path too...our lives crossed on Saturday night when she phoned me and we spoke for hours without one minute of my life passing me by..She had made several comments in her life to ex's the same as I, that she fell in love with someone in Springpatch that she cannot ever let go and wonders about everyday...and sometimes you just have to find out if that one person is the ONE. This is what I am going to do. I am following my heart...
I think B understand this prb the most of my friends - he knows me well and he supports my thinking...Thanks for listening bud. I really appreciate it...
and a song for her:
by VAST
touched, you say that i am too
so much, of what you say is true
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i'll never find someone quite like you, like you
the razors and the dying roses
plead i don't leave you alone
the demi-gods and hungry ghosts
oh god, god knows i'm not at home
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i'll never find someone quite like you again
i, i looked into your eyes and saw
a world that does not exist
i looked into your eyes and saw
a world i wish i was in
i'll never find someone quite as touched as you
i'll never love someone quite the way
that I loved you