The House of Cam

Sam tends to agree....although he really wasnt concerned about anything else......Merry C-mas everyone! from the House of the Cams!

Lil B says Merry Christmas to everyone and to everyone...a good wet kiss!

I dont think I have to caption this one...they moved in for the grabs!

These were loaded with Dingo Bones (their favorite), Greenies, Dingo Strips, a toy duck and frog that rattles and a few other surprises...someone must have been good this year!

Lil B protecting what his uncle Mac and Auntie Pamo gave him for Cmas! He is a good guard dog!

The boys made a haul this year. This is all their presents from Mac and Pam (the stuffed creatures) and Grandma and Grandpa (the bags).

Yes, I spelled it wrong...just to see if you would catch it. Just wanted to thank you all for being great friends and offering wonderful opinions and friendship. Its been one crazy year. I would like to post a write up on the past year like B did soon. It would be a great thing to see all the changes and fun times I have had....I can tell you this though, I have definetly lived life this year. Its been a wild ride.

I will be taking off posting here for a couple of weeks to work on Mojeepin.com and some other things. Please feel free to check it out and if you are a jeeper or just wanna chat on the forums, register up! Its a really big part of my life and I would love to share it with all....

Merry Cmas my friends.

cam

Some drunkereds! Macdaddy, Pamo, me and lil Nikki....These are some great friends. The beer was also ... great! Mac was happy and a little shocked at the webcam!...LOL!

Somewhere Else To Be
by VAST

every time i cry out
no one ever comes to me
every time that i reach out
no one ever rescues me
i wish i could hide from everyone
is there somewhere else to be
is there somewhere else to be
take me in
i want out
that's all i need
i wish i could run from everything
is there somewhere else to be
is there somewhere else to be
take me in
i want out
that's all i need

Most of my Sundays I wake up late morning/early afternoon's. Today was no exception. I had a quaint time last night - nothing more then usual. The drinking seems to calm me, and yet it angers me at the same time. I think about how much money I waste and the fact that cmas is upon us. 5 days to be exact. I realize that I cant afford to do the things I would like to do for my friends. In fact, I wont be able to do anything for them this year due to several reason. Drinking. Moving. Bills. It sucks, and it makes me feel like a loser in most ways. This year, I cant help it and that realization kinda hurts. This is also the first year at Cmas that I am single. Single as all can be. I have no one to be by my side this year. I have to admit last year with A, was very nice. We got along really well outside of the bullshit fights we had. They were minute and yet they were drastic. It's sad to think about, so I wont go there.

I don't really know where to go in this post. I just feel like I needed to talk. I have had a ton on my mind the past week. Everything from moving to being alone. Hating my job doesn't help I guess either though...that seems to be really dragging me down. I have a huge project due this week. It will actually bring me a lot of props at my job, but I don't care. I don't care about waking up and sitting at the damn computer all day. I have other things going on in my head. Movements, music and even a feeling of loss. I cant place my finger on anything specific to change or how I literally feel right now. It just seems like my mind is on overload and yet, I am so done.

Strange things happen when you don't do things. I got a call from someone tonight that I was thinking about moving to go be with. This was the whole Kansas City theme I went through for about a couple of weeks. To be honest, I don't know where I will go...that scares me. I want to know. I want to have a drive. A direction. Seems I cant make up my mind on where to take my travels. I always know Colorado will be awesome. I will do well there. Something though, makes me stop everytime she calls or emails me...which she did, both in one day. The email read "So now you have fallen off the face of the earth!! Everything OK?????". I didn't call her back or email her back. But I still wonder about her and the possibilites....so to answer the email in a nice way.... Yes I have fallen off the face of the earth for you it seems...Now you know how I felt when I phoned and emailed you all the time and never heard back for a few weeks. It feels like shit. Am I ok....No! I am not ok. I am having frustrations that no one person can seem to fix except for me. Those ideas, those clues of life and hints of direction are doing nothing to me but making me separate reality from non. I am a dreamy person. A free spirit. I also am a two sided person with a mind that changes all the time. I am held back and it is pissing me off.

My attitude right now for a lot of things is really simple: ACT LIKE YOU CARE WHEN ITS CONVENIENT FOR YOU. I WILL GET BACK TO YA. Think about it....I do.

I need a sign.

cam

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian police and wildlife officers have been ordered to destroy a large shark which killed a teenage surfer in a savage attack as his horrified schoolfriends looked on. Police said on Friday searchers had found a small amount of what were believed to be human remains which they had sent for forensic testing. A search in glassy waters off popular West Beach in the South Australia state capital Adelaide was continuing, they said.
"We're still searching ... they may have found a couple more things that could be human remains," a police spokeswoman said. Witnesses described on Thursday seeing two great white sharks -- one up to five metres (16 feet) long -- attack 18-year-old surfer Nick Peterson after he fell off a surfboard which friends were towing behind a small boat about 300 metres (1,000 feet) offshore. However police and rescuers now believe one large shark killed the teenager, the second fatal shark attack in Australia in five days. Acting South Australia Premier Kevin Foley said the shark should be killed if it was found even though great white sharks are a protected species in Australian waters.

"The government's view is that a large shark in close proximity to the beaches that is posing a direct threat to human life should be destroyed," Foley told reporters in Adelaide. Beaches in the area remained open and swimmers ventured back into the water despite Thursday's savage attack. Rescue workers reported seeing a four-metre (13-foot) shark on Friday several km north of West Beach and believe it was the same one seen in the area several times in recent weeks.

"It actually came to the surface and swam under our rescue boat, so we do know it's still in the area," Sea Rescue Squadron leader Fraser Bell told reporters.

"The shark was seen ... and headed south towards the scene of yesterday's attack," he said. While the search continued, distraught members of Peterson's family and his friends gathered at the beach and linked arms in a group at the water's edge. Others laid flowers along the shore.

Police inspector David Lusty said the attack had been swift and savage and that Peterson's friends could have done nothing to help him. A 38-year-old man died after he was mauled by a shark while spearfishing off the far northeast coast of tropical Queensland state on Saturday. In July, another surfer died in Western Australia when he was attacked by a shark described as being "as big as a car". Australia has a reputation for shark attacks but International Shark File figures show most occur in North American waters. The first documented attack in Australia was in 1791 and there have been more than 625 attacks in the past 200 years, about 190 of them fatal.

Can we say....in the wrong domain. Leave the shark alone and let him/her go about its business. It didnt do anything we dont do on a daily basis. Its not a murderer...It's one of the most beautiful creatures of the sea and has been around for eons of years. We just happen to be a tasty morsel (which is uncommon to sharks on a regular menu)....I hate to hear about shark attacks, but its the way it is esp. if you are surfing in Great White terrritory.

cam

To the Cop that came by the house last night.....

Thank you for not being a cock. Even though you made fun of my age....(born in 76), you kept a cool head. You asked for IDs, told me you remember the Bee Gees and then said keep it down. I appreciate that in all sincerity. You left when you realized you didnt really need to be there....When I walked back outside and you were sitting in my driveway, I told you to leave; and you did. You are they type of cop we like. Keep up the good work.

Oh and dont forget to wear your cap next time.

I am sad right now. I do not know why. I hate this feeling of emptiness.

Florida is no more....at least for now. I am more then likely headed to the Rocky Mountains of Colorado. It seems this is the most logical thing for me to do when I move. Great winter sports and awesome summer water sports...what else could I ask for...well, maybe a Black haired, green eyed snow bunny!....LOL!

I will keep you all posted on the developments and ideas....

cam

I wanted to post. I would like to thank B and the Mrs. for the lovely dinner this evening. The tacos and pie were excellent. I really appreciate you guys taking care of me when I am broke as a joke.

Thanks again you two!

cam

You all know that I have become a Dave Chapelle fan...thanks to B on that one. He introduced me to Chapelle a couple months back and now...I try to watch his show everytime it comes on...Well, as I was surfing the web today I found this hilarious link. This is the reason Dave Chapelle is so damn funny. He sounds so serious when he does his skits...Cracks me up.

So without further ado...Dave Chapelle endores Mac computers

Enjoy

Joe Rogan.....LOL! (no really, ... enjoy...cam)

b: here is what you got to do
b: when it goes back
b: up
b: you have to push hard
b: blow
b: get your finger up there
b: at the same time
b: your ears will pop
b: but you'll get it
b: LOL

Scuba: LMAO
Scuba: see i knew you could relate
Scuba: one sec
Scuba: let me try

b: LOL

"Federal safety regulators want 600,000 Dodge Durangos and Dakota trucks recalled because their wheels could fall off, but the auto maker doesn’t believe the defect is dangerous, a company spokesman said"

Not dangerous?? What kinda moron is this guy? Lets just drive down the road and WHAM! have the wheels fall off at 60mph....Lets just see how dangerous that is! In fact, I think the guy who said this statement...should be the one to test it.

Yeah so anyway, if you have one of these trucks dated 2000 to 2003 model years...I would suggest getting to the dealership soon. Unless of course, you agree with the auto maker and believing the defect is not dangerous....

This is another reason I drive a Jeep!

Cam

I do not feel good today. Not just like physically good, just emotionally good. I feel like things in life just arent coming to a head. It's like there are open end points just waiting to be either tied off or started. I am surrounded by mass amounts of information and doings. Multiple entertainment venues, good friends, videogames, On-demand cable TV, computer sites, personal websites and even a true passion for Jeeps....but, all these things just do not add up. Its like something of me is missing. The overall general scheme of things. The core of the apple is missing.

I fight with myself many times about what to do in life. I ask myself why I am lazy in the fact that when I go home I do not want to do anything. I have been asked out on dates, set up dates over the phone and still, I do not follow through with things on my end. I have no concept of time I guess. I dont phone them back or I just plain ignore their calls...am I worried that they will never speak to me again? No! When it boils down to me actually having a chance to spend with someone of the opposite sex....I find other things to do. Its like I know its a waste of money and my time to even go and have dinner with someone new. This is where my past hurts me. I begin to think about certain relationships that I have had in the past. I become introverted and think only of the good times and exclude the bad. Then, its like I wait for something to magically happen and I will be happy again. This is never the case. It seems that once I get into a new relationship, things are good...things are great....once they get there. Then, I am bored. Its like I know I am not going to be with the person and I think about how much money I have wasted over the past x amount of time....then, wham! I get down again. It's a vicious cycle of avoidance.

Everyone says "quit looking for someone" or "you just havent met the right woman yet"...well, these two statements are totally false. Neither one speaks of something that I do. Yes, I have done them in the past....but the past few months, I have not. The scenario of there being a "right woman for me" is bullshit as well. I do not believe there is only one person for everyone. I think some people dont have a "right" person for them. Complexity and intuition based upon the feelings and emotions that we develop over our lifetimes, is what causes us to "find that one special person". Is it a bond or a closeness that we all "think" we need? I could do fine in life alone. Somedays, I think that I will be living my life that way. Other days, I disagree with that. Its all too complex to think about. Hell, maybe I just think to much and worry about the little things....several of you might say that....but I dont think that is fair for one person to say to another when each one has been brought up different. I appreciate the support everyone has for me. I miss some people in my life I have to admit. Special characteristics about them will never be forgotten...sounds like a sappy love song eh?

Anywho, I just feel weird today..I have a feeling of wanting to be alone. No communication, no calls, nothingness.....

The Hermit.

Just wanted to let everyone know that I have started a new blog! This one is more of an experimental blog. I am going to be posting some audio samples I have been working on as well as some kewl digital things that I am working on .... (ie, photoshop).

It should be kewl - check it out here


The Digital Cam

I awoke this morning to find that I was going to be late getting out to my parents house. My sister from Colorado is coming to stay this week with my parents since she cant come home for Cmas. I made it out there in time and moms and I went to get sis. We got her....then we 3 beans spent the rest of the day together hangin out and catchin up on old times. Then I left....picked my dinner up and headed home.

No sooner as I sat down ... I got the call. Pamo was having a baby! I scurried down the food and headed to the hospital. By the time I got there, she had the baby a few minutes before I got there. Pappy and Mammy were doing well. Baby Kamden is also doing well. He weighed 2lbs and 13oz. It was amazing. I could type all night about it...but I wont cuz I will be here. I was truly amazed how something can be so alive and so small...and yet, two people brought him into the world. It makes you have a new appreciation for life I tell you that. So, in short and sweet blogging,

CONGRATS to Mac and Pam on their new baby boy! You guys did great!

Forever,

Cam

Welcome to winter...this blows....I dont think I can do this much longer....Least my plex is warm and cozy...And I have "ON-DEMAND" the kewlest thing ever on cable TV. Free with paid subsciption as they say on the commercials...

B, Sarah and I watched some great movie previews the other night...if you havent seen the new Batman trailer...you better get with the times...the Black Knight is going to beat some serious AZZ this time around! I know I have a couple friends looking forward to it....one in particular.

Awwwwwwww yeah!!

ummm yeah - the next couple posts you read ... are that way... but hey...your in my head now! Isnt it great?

One of my favorite Manson songs....very generic lyrics...but damn!


"Para-noir"
by Marilyn Manson

[Unknown Woman:]
I fuck you because you're famous.
I fuck you for your money.
I fuck you to control you.
I fuck you so someday I can have half of everything you own.
I fuck you to fuck you over.
I fuck you 'til I find someone better.
I fuck you in secret.
I fuck you because I can't remember if I already fucked you before.
I fuck you out of boredom.
I fuck you because I can't feel it anyway.
I fuck you to make the pain go away.

[Manson:]
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do.
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do.
HATE YOU THE WAY I DO.

[Unknown Woman:]
I fuck you so I can feel something instead of nothing at all.
I fuck you because you're beautiful.
I fuck you because you're my nigger.
I fuck you because I am your whore.
I fuck you because you are a whore.
I fuck you for fun.
I fuck you for fun.
I fuck you because I can.
I fuck you so I have a place to stay.
I fuck you so you will protect me.

[Manson:]
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do
Fuck you because I loved you
Fuck you for loving you too
I don't need a reason to hate you the way I do
HATE YOU THE WAY I DO

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww yeah......weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee bitches!... I would like to see a video to this!!

Geeez what an artist...you know he started out only as a brass player...he didnt sing for years ... but one of my favorite songs...."A Kiss to Build a Dream On" is one of the best songs to just realize what you have to look forward to in life.... Here are the lyrics:

A Kiss To Build A Dream On
by Louis Armstrong

Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on

Give me a kiss before you leave me
And my imagination will feed my hungry heart
Leave me one thing before we part
A kiss to build a dream on

When I’m alone with my fancies...I’ll be with you
Weaving romances...making believe they’re true

Give me your lips for just a moment
And my imagination will make that moment live
Give me what you alone can give
A kiss to build a dream on

(instrumental break)

When I’m alone with my fancies...I’ll be with you
Weaving romances...making believe they’re true

Give me a kiss to build a dream on
And my imagination will thrive upon that kiss
Ah sweetheart, I ask no more than this
A kiss to build a dream on

Louis Armstrong....an American Icon - I suggest you listen.

cam

Now this is nice! I will miss this...but not the memories of the house....it was the final "letting go" straw when it sold.

View from the top of the new deck!....oh and lil Samanoski!

This was the back of my house...I built all that shit! I think I did a good job, and thought I would post it so I wouldnt ever forget it.

I just like this picture for some reason...its really ... me!

and B and the Mrs are coming over to help me work on the garage..I might post some pics of all the fun you peeps are missing. Trust me when you are moving in 5 months, you have to pack things different...I think we will be ok...

Tonight, by the way, before Trav and I had dinner, I worked on the plex. I got the kitchen done and things put up where they go. The kitchen looks great. Did I tell you I am thinking about going back to culinary school? I love to cook...and thank god for cable television! I get to watch the food network everyday!! I am reminded of times with my ex. She and I used to watch Emril ... It was a good memory.

oh and another random thing...I have gas!

cam

I have a HOT date! I call her the butcher....can't wait!

had your Shock and Awe lately? Make sure and check out B's blog! He is posting some great stuff there recently.

I suggest it before I have to get out this car and choke a bitch!
LMAO!!

cam

few days have really been nice. My duplex is coming together, I have been working on mojeepin.com, Summer and I have been speaking almost everyday, my album is coming close to completion, my house is done and over with, I have been sober everyday this week, and I have re-discovered The Cure.

I forgot how good The Cure was. I went to dinner tonight with Trav...we went to smokey bones...which was shitty. What kinda BBQ place only has 2 kinds of bbq sauce? - I give them 3 years and they will be closed down...

anyway, T and I went to dinner to discuss our lives and out current situations. It seems he has a lot of the same ideas as I do...I enjoy talking to him. Then after leaving there, we headed over to Adobe's - a quaint little shithole that bikers frequent; your non-christian kinda people...Just my kinda place!!

Anyway, we are sitting there and I heard this song come on the radio....Our buddy Brad walked in right before it started and ordered a beer and began talking...and then I stopped the conversation when the song came on ... The Cure - Lullaby off the Mixed Up album...one of the best songs ever! I am going to re-purchase this cd tomorrow at lunch!! I forgot about this...this cd was one I listened to when I was Cam - the real Cam. Not the one that wears the mask, not the one that gives a shit about shit, just me, just Cam....I miss those days. I searched and searched for something new in life...away from it all....and the whole time - the person I was becoming....was way more then away....If you get a chance to listen to the cd or you have it - pop it back in and jam to it. I suggest you listen to it in the dark - all alone.

Here are the lyrics to the Lullaby song...it struck a chord with me so well...

Lullaby
by The Cure

on candystripe legs spiderman comes
softly through the shadow of the evening sun
stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
looking for the victim shivering in bed
searching out fear in the gathering gloom and
suddenly! a movement in the corner of the
room! and there is nothing i can do when i
realise with freight that the spiderman is having
me for dinner tonight

quietly he laughs and shaking his head creeps
closer now closer to the foot of the bed and
softer than shadow and quicker than flies his
arms are all around me and his tongue in my
eyes "be still be calm be quiet now my precious
boy don't struggle like that or i will only love
you more for it's much too late to get away or
turn on the light the spiderman is having you
for dinner tonight"

and i feel like i'm being eaten by a thousand
million shivering furry holes and i know that in
the morning i will wake up in the shivering cold
and the spiderman is always hungry...


What do you get from these lyrics.....I got a lot more then you would think.....just read it a few times .... let me know!

Thanks
cam