es la tu bano?
I got to thinking today...(like when do I ever stop you ask??)...I am really alone.
I didn't come to this conclusion overnight really, I just stopped and thought about it for a minute. It's comical because I find that when you are "alone" or "lonely", you have diarrhea of the brain. (sorry for the choice of words...but it's fitting). Your thoughts and such flow freely and just happen. They become very random...(much like this post will prb sound in the end).
I try to keep myself busy or surrounded by friends almost all the time...but, then there are those times that you think about things all to yourself. I hate these times...I think about everything I have done in life, all the people I have met and all the hearts that I have broken. I think about my relationships and how they affected me..then, suddenly, if one is really "alone" they think about what it would be like to go back to these people. What would have happened if you stayed where you were? and where would you be now?...what were the pros and what were the cons of the relationship?? Question after question begins to linger in your mind like some sort of mosquito that wont leave you alone. You begin to tell yourself that you miss them in many different ways that are un-justifiable in actual meaning. There is no way I would go back to some, but then again...why am I questioning things?...
This is where I have found that I begin to get dragged down. I dwindle on things too much. I have a hard time letting go of my thoughts. I don't want to think about the past and yet, it happens. Now all the doctors reading this (LOL!), will tell you that "we learn from our pasts" and blah blah...Yeah, I agree with that, but I also "think" about it. What is strange though, is that I get stuck in this zone...I don't want to do anything...It's like pulling teeth and nails to get me out of the house or even get up and work around the house...I absolutly hate it.
I know that where I am is because of the things I have gone through and the decisions I have made. Some good, some bad and still some that linger...I know that once my real self kicks in and says "hey cam, what the fuck are you thinkin dog?" that everything is alright with where I am and what I am doing...
I just have a hard time thinking along the right track. Once my emotional side has given part of me to someone, I dwell on it. It's almost as if I lost apart of me in the process and yet, I have gained a whole new insight to who I am when it's all said and done. Strange isn't it. If you really think about it, this is the way we think as humans...we live in irony.. We can never escape our past...that is why it is called "our pasts", but yet, we can learn from them to better our future...
ah hell...thanks for the vent ... I had to get that out so I can move on to something more upbeat!
I didn't come to this conclusion overnight really, I just stopped and thought about it for a minute. It's comical because I find that when you are "alone" or "lonely", you have diarrhea of the brain. (sorry for the choice of words...but it's fitting). Your thoughts and such flow freely and just happen. They become very random...(much like this post will prb sound in the end).
I try to keep myself busy or surrounded by friends almost all the time...but, then there are those times that you think about things all to yourself. I hate these times...I think about everything I have done in life, all the people I have met and all the hearts that I have broken. I think about my relationships and how they affected me..then, suddenly, if one is really "alone" they think about what it would be like to go back to these people. What would have happened if you stayed where you were? and where would you be now?...what were the pros and what were the cons of the relationship?? Question after question begins to linger in your mind like some sort of mosquito that wont leave you alone. You begin to tell yourself that you miss them in many different ways that are un-justifiable in actual meaning. There is no way I would go back to some, but then again...why am I questioning things?...
This is where I have found that I begin to get dragged down. I dwindle on things too much. I have a hard time letting go of my thoughts. I don't want to think about the past and yet, it happens. Now all the doctors reading this (LOL!), will tell you that "we learn from our pasts" and blah blah...Yeah, I agree with that, but I also "think" about it. What is strange though, is that I get stuck in this zone...I don't want to do anything...It's like pulling teeth and nails to get me out of the house or even get up and work around the house...I absolutly hate it.
I know that where I am is because of the things I have gone through and the decisions I have made. Some good, some bad and still some that linger...I know that once my real self kicks in and says "hey cam, what the fuck are you thinkin dog?" that everything is alright with where I am and what I am doing...
I just have a hard time thinking along the right track. Once my emotional side has given part of me to someone, I dwell on it. It's almost as if I lost apart of me in the process and yet, I have gained a whole new insight to who I am when it's all said and done. Strange isn't it. If you really think about it, this is the way we think as humans...we live in irony.. We can never escape our past...that is why it is called "our pasts", but yet, we can learn from them to better our future...
ah hell...thanks for the vent ... I had to get that out so I can move on to something more upbeat!
oh, come off it, that was depressing? pssshaw. at least you're aware of yourself. more than i can say for 90% of people i have come across. look at it this way, you can either understand yourself, and live with the consequences, or you can be one of those bumper-car people, plowing through life, jostling all in your path with no thought to them afterwards.
i need to cool it with the metaphors, i don't even make sense to myself sometimes.
Posted by
Sunny |
4:11 PM