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Thursday, August 19, 2004 

good night sweetheart...

I have been having these dreams of my ex wife the past few nights. They are strange. Each one is the same, but yet things change as the dreams go on. It has been awhile since I have seen my ex-wife, to be quite honest, I dont think I would recognize her even if I did pass her on the street. That part of my life is locked away these days. Thoughts and hopes of my happy marriage ended shortly and abruptly when she had an affair and began her downward spiral of
drug use. It's a sad thing to see, especially, after we had dated for almost 12 years prior to getting married.

So...these dreams....

Dont think that they were sexual by any means. They generally start off with me walking through a park or on the beach. I sit down next to her on a blanket and then we begin talking. The conversations change from dream to dream, but each one is about moving on. I see her with hideous white trash tattoos much like the "biker type" would have. She is either thin as a rail or fatter all over, but by any means, she is not attractive to me anymore. I view her as just someone to speak to. An acquaintence. We discuss everything from what we have been up to, to things like life. Then, I stand up and leave the conversation and never turn back around to look at her. I see my hair blowing in the wind behind me as if I am taking on a new life. Letting go of the old and never looking back.

It's strange, because when I awake from these dreams, I have a good feeling. I want her to have the best life she can have, whomever she thinks she needs to become. No matter if she is with the guy she had the affair with...I want her to be happy and do well. I walk away from these dreams and realize that I have "let go" and hold no grudges now. Closure at its finest. It was as if I have never met her and I dont know her. A good feeling to have taken off my shoulders finally. I think a lot of this has to do with me selling the house as well. It was "our" house. Even after another ex moved in and then abruptly moved out, it was "our" house. My priorities in life right are not in that house. I have done my work to it to get it ready to sell. I have said goodbye
to it and have already smiled and waved my departure. It knows my time is up there. I know this...and this ... is another great feeling.

Til I dream again...I will be....around

......it's time to go

first of all, i'm glad you're getting some zzz's...it's the best way for your mind to figure out things you don't want to think about during the day. i've always believed that all dreams have some type of meaning. this one seems to be pretty obvious. it's cool that you are able to let things go and move on with life. you have made several changes this year and i have noticed you become much stronger in many ways. i do think that moving out of your house will be one of the best things you can do for yourself. no matter where you end up have fun with your next adventure!

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